The Redesign
Eric Akaoka & Tom Creighton
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Basketball 2.0
Nov 25th 2019
Come on and SLAM! and welcome to the JAM! The song you're imagining? Incorrect, the song we're referencing is legally distinct from the soundtrack to Space Jam, because this is BASKETSBALLS, baby. Are you ready to grab the rock and go hard in the paint? That's unfortunate because neither of us know what that means. But here is something we do know: a series of interlocking mobius strips that you can punch through with your basketball gauntlets to win against one of at least seven other teams by slamming a knifeball into the tiny, tiny basket is definitely the best way to play the game of kings. If you disagree, we have a t-shirt-cannon-based feedback form.
episode link (current time) ☞ https://cast.rocks/hosting/2052/feeds/6J5H0.html?ep=3ZV7WO95-Q8SEMI
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Toothbrush 2.0
Aug 26th 2019
Do you stan dental hygiene or herons? Baby you're in luck because both of those things are now the same thing. Let a soulless biomechanoid put its beak deep into your mouth and fill you with a gently abrasive foam, like a lemony fresh blast of good, delicious bleach. The beak will also use ultrasonics to smash dirt off your teeth. But then: with gentle wingtips, the heron will wipe the foam from your mouth like you're a big toddler, which I know some of you will be weirdly into. Also in this episode: an unsurprising digression into the musical history of Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch, and the mechanics of playing Fortnite with a mouthful of foam.
episode link (current time) ☞ https://cast.rocks/hosting/2052/feeds/6J5H0.html?ep=2KPDVEFQ-HW4GQFR
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Coffee 2.0
Jul 31st 2019
World, get ready to hear the brown note in lots of places you didn't expect! Because we have a very large truck with speakers on top that plays the brown note. Why? Well it's very funny to us but also to advertise BROWN™ (aka Coffee 2.0), an inevitable revolution in the world of beverages. You're familiar with "hot bean juice", the thing you're unfamiliar with that will nonetheless be going in your drinkhole is a delightful tide-pod-terroir experience crafted with the finest jelly bean dust and milk skeletons.
episode link (current time) ☞ https://cast.rocks/hosting/2052/feeds/6J5H0.html?ep=ZV67UC8-W9CKRZFR
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Umbrella 2.0
Jun 17th 2019
Never feel the sweet winds of summer against your human face again, as you're totally protected and forever locked into Umbrella 2.0 aka Umbre4a aka the AdBlock. Enjoy not feeling any kind of meteorological phenomenon while taking in a soothing and personalized advertisement. Is this less of a forcefield and more of an extortion field? Our lawyers recommend we don't answer that question! We also discuss how Inspector Gadget is transhumanist cyberpunk, how we accidentally destroyed real estate, and the mystery of the powerful demigod Mary Poppins.
episode link (current time) ☞ https://cast.rocks/hosting/2052/feeds/6J5H0.html?ep=8SR4F363-HME7B9
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Mirror 2.0
May 20th 2019
Say hi to Alicia Silvered-stone (no connection to Alicia Silverstone), the smart mirror of the future that will help you realize your goal of becoming Timothy Olyphant or a golden retriever! And will also prevent you from becoming a vampire or werewolf (unless that's what you're into). The fun thing about Mirror 2.0 is that it shows your back instead of your front through clever application of totally non-dangerous physics and capturing the legally distinct character Donic the Yedgeyog™. Mirror 2.0: the good-looking glass!
episode link (current time) ☞ https://cast.rocks/hosting/2052/feeds/6J5H0.html?ep=5WZI5VND-3XWP14I
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Alphabet 2.0
Apr 29th 2019
Hey if you've ever thought "I wish the alphabet had emoji, stage directions, was written on musical staves, was possibly a spiral or rebus and all of the letters were replaced with numbers", are you in my house? Are you spying on me? Are you reading this over my shoulder right now? Because that's what this episode is about. We solve pesky problems that have plagued the original dumb alphabet since time immemorial, like the fact that some letters are indistinguishable from each other, a sloppy encoding that you'd think the Romans or Greeks or somebody would have noticed.
episode link (current time) ☞ https://cast.rocks/hosting/2052/feeds/6J5H0.html?ep=23ZGWNDF-R68YQFR
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Bath Bomb 2.0
Apr 1st 2019
You'll yell “j'accuzzi” when we invent the world's first (and only) fractal bath bomb, a veritable cartoon-style bundle of bath TNT. What if: you take a small sip of the bathwater? Don't worry about it, it'll taste delicious. What if: it goes in your eyes? No sweat, it's eye drops! Congested? Gotchu fam, it's neti pot stuff, do those sinuses up real nice. Let me also add this: Bath Bomb 2.0 is also filled with nootropic drugs for your brain to be more good! And also: corn starch or something, because you will also experience chunky hug ripples. This is totally normal and nothing to be concerned about!
episode link (current time) ☞ https://cast.rocks/hosting/2052/feeds/6J5H0.html?ep=71M0TD2A-WHFR
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Lock 2.0
Mar 19th 2019
Don't you hate it when you're ten feet away from your door and you can't remember whether it's locked? Well: that problem has now been totally obliterated by Ness, the lock that is a door that has one very large eyeball and one very large mouth and screams constantly and eats packages and maybe hands. Unlock Ness securely by using up your own memories and bodily fluids until, one day, you too are deemed unworthy to enter your own home. That's how two-factor security works, as I understand it.
episode link (current time) ☞ https://cast.rocks/hosting/2052/feeds/6J5H0.html?ep=FMVK7FUP-WC23XR
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Piano 2.0
Mar 4th 2019
When Steinway, the first piano, emerged from the primordial piano ooze (this is true, trust us), did he one day realize that Piano 2.0, the Piian2 8te, would make the Piano 1.0 look like a joke instrument for dummies? God, I hope not. How depressing. Anyway, some of the improvements we've made are: less keyboards! More face-squishing! More hydraulics! More snakes (way more snakes)! Typically a piano has three pedals, and so does a car – you see where I'm going with this? Finally: Tom invents Reverse Shazam™, which is when you know what song it is but it's not currently playing, it's hard to believe nobody invented it yet honestly.
episode link (current time) ☞ https://cast.rocks/hosting/2052/feeds/6J5H0.html?ep=A14H53FD-RWL8FR
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Energy Drink 2.0
Feb 4th 2019
The only energy drink with Bananergy™ and none of those weak chemicals for babies, like electrolytes. Electroheavies and electrodarks ONLY for maximum 'tudeness. In this episode we dig into the existential questions that have haunted humans since the dawn of history: how would a banana smoke a cigarette? What's cool about ranch? Is gravy powerful? Tom is convinced the nubs in the late, lamented Orbitz were made of wax and will not be convinced otherwise (they aren't). P.S. We joke about drinking a lava lamp but here's a pro-tip: don't drink a lava lamp! That's lava in there!
episode link (current time) ☞ https://cast.rocks/hosting/2052/feeds/6J5H0.html?ep=B1PZTOA4-2KV5CDI
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Blimp 2.0
Jan 22nd 2019
Our sincere gondolences to Blimp 1.0, it’s time for Glimp™ presents: The Dunk Zone. Enter your personalized human teabag to ‘dunk’ on the landscape repeatedly as you sail through the air, suspended from a giant emoji or something. What keeps the Glimp aloft? Well, they say jazz is the notes you don’t play. Finally, science allows us to capture those unused notes (they are very buoyant) and put them in a big ol’ lifty thing. Thank you for enjoying Glimp: the Australian submarine.
episode link (current time) ☞ https://cast.rocks/hosting/2052/feeds/6J5H0.html?ep=60N0XV4T-F4DKJ4I
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Calendar 2.0
Dec 31st 2018
It’s almost time for a new year, a concept we destroy wholly with Calendar 2.0, the Cal-Ender. Why maintain both distance and time when we could just use the same units for both? Eric drops an esoteric The Killers reference. We determine that inducing a humanity-wide seven-segment hallucination is a cool and good thing to do, because all other calendar systems are the laserdisc of time-keeping, and we are the EXTRA-THICC VHS tape.
episode link (current time) ☞ https://cast.rocks/hosting/2052/feeds/6J5H0.html?ep=1PNLY57P-O51RWWM
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Filing 2.0
Dec 18th 2018
The episode where it becomes increasingly obvious that Tom invented something that already totally existed, instead of our usual thing where we come up with totally plausible and excellent ideas. We did create biodegradable paper from gerbil peeps and poops, find it soon in the ‘abhorrent’ aisle at Staples. Finally: we hint at it more than state it outright, but given our track record you just know our final product has a really big gross mouth on it, and we will never apologize for disrupting so good.
episode link (current time) ☞ https://cast.rocks/hosting/2052/feeds/6J5H0.html?ep=F3E5XR4V-TCHAOR
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Carpet 2.0
Dec 4th 2018
Nothing says interior decorating like going out into the forest and taming a wild carpet after your existing carpet has broadcast a psionic death cry and crawled out of your house to die, am i right? Car-pet disrupts the floor covering industry with such features as: claws on the corners, smells good, a large mouth on either end that eats your floor mess and might kiss when you’re not in the room, don’t worry about it. Car-pet: Don’t do rugs!
episode link (current time) ☞ https://cast.rocks/hosting/2052/feeds/6J5H0.html?ep=D6CVGTJO-ZTZKT9
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Play 2.0
Nov 19th 2018
All work and no play makes the whole world a stage – a famous bon mot from The Bard. Except: which Bard? Perhaps now YOU are The Bard, as per audience proxy votes via eggplant. If all the world’s a stage, does that mean we are merely players? Well, yes. But also the audience. Don’t worry about it, the DJ will explain everything via a Big Willie Style -style intro when you arrive at the Play, which is everywhere.
episode link (current time) ☞ https://cast.rocks/hosting/2052/feeds/6J5H0.html?ep=IZUKPBS3-S6PQFR
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Jack-o-Lantern 2.0
Oct 29th 2018
Hello boys and GHOULS (Vincent Price laughter), in this episode we improve that avatar of Halloween, the humble Jack-o-lantern, and also Eric invokes his executive privilege to try to ruin ANOTHER Halloween episode. Pumpkins? What if … MEAT? That would be disgusting, but what if: body-part-shaped watermelons? Forget carving a spooky face into your watermelon, the true horror that will chill you to your very soul is a mall-art quote that is rapped by babies. LIVE. LAUGH. LOVE.
episode link (current time) ☞ https://cast.rocks/hosting/2052/feeds/6J5H0.html?ep=IZ62G16-XN0JRWWM
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Wrestling 2.0
Oct 15th 2018
Fire up Powerpoint and fire a person out of a cannon into the audience because it’s time for a no-holds-barred philosophical battle … OF THE MIND (but also body slams). Compare your favourite wrasslers’ key strengths – head butts vs. the Hegelian dialectic, oh dunk that’s a huge matchup. Wrasslers will have to contend with course hazards (WASPS) but also the ring is now a thirteen-pointed star. We take a brief diversion into classical dance remixes and that showboating son-of-a-gun Brahms.
episode link (current time) ☞ https://cast.rocks/hosting/2052/feeds/6J5H0.html?ep=11KZZW9J-AN6RBE2
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Elevator 2.0
Oct 1st 2018
If you’re a person who enjoys using a conveyance to move to different vertical areas, prepare your body for Elev16r! Also prepare your body to have its face melted off by the extreme pun that Eric drops in the first minute. Floors are now realms. Buttons are now binary sort algorithms that you yell at. Getting to your own floor is now an economic transaction wherein you bid Elethereum (NOT a cryptocoin for elephants!). Also hey this might be a bananas idea but has anybody ever thought of stairs that go up by themselves?!?
episode link (current time) ☞ https://cast.rocks/hosting/2052/feeds/6J5H0.html?ep=1NS1H0W9-BQI1KYB
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Running Shoes 2.0
Sep 10th 2018
We satisfy all possible running shoe use cases and Eric reminds us that he has no idea how Tubthumpin’ goes. Cleats? Old news buddy, it’s all about tiny hands with very sharp fingers to grab the ground – how else would you accomplish a 2000 RPM pirouette? Don’t worry! It won’t come flying off your foot due to pudding cup technology. There were definitely no legal issues that would sink this dang podcast, except we accidentally included the Power Rangers theme song, sorry sorry trying to delete
episode link (current time) ☞ https://cast.rocks/hosting/2052/feeds/6J5H0.html?ep=CA0IJNC1-P88SEMI
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Tuxedo 2.0
Aug 27th 2018
Tux? He do! Dress on a spectrum from moderately formal to full-blast hyperformal (but the formality was inside you all along!). Prepare to have your sartorial world’s face rocked by the concept of assless chap tuxedos and/or cargo tuxedos. Black tie event? More like “small boat or Dorito tucked under your chin” tie event. Tom disappoints Eric by not knowing about a Rush song and Eric disappoints Tom by not knowing an archaic verb that nobody ever uses.
episode link (current time) ☞ https://cast.rocks/hosting/2052/feeds/6J5H0.html?ep=DKL75NNU-91F9A4I
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Castle 2.0
Aug 13th 2018
Visit historic/Wu-tang cursed Castle 2.0, the Nicehold! Cross the M.O.A.T. on a raftman to enjoy medieval-themed modern luxuries, such as wifi (made of doves), microwaves (also doves), or television (doves once again). We followed the principle first stated by Dieter Rams: “Why pick something when you just can do everything?” Bonus content: a review of the dumb and bad Periodic Table.
episode link (current time) ☞ https://cast.rocks/hosting/2052/feeds/6J5H0.html?ep=IUMR5Q0R-A7CIK9
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Sitcom 2.0
Jul 23rd 2018
Have a great time watching TV again – we invented Sitcom 2.0 so everybody knows exactly when a joke is being made: just watch Hugh Jackman watching the sitcom with a mandatory and inescapable laugh track. Modern technology allows you, the audience, to insert your own dumb ideas into the show by yelling very loudly. Also: every sitcom is now part of a larger ALF/clone wars metanarrative, you’re welcome.
episode link (current time) ☞ https://cast.rocks/hosting/2052/feeds/6J5H0.html?ep=DDM8AQWF-A6VFGVI
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Flag 2.0
Jul 9th 2018
Let’s defuse some international tensions with Eric trying, and failing, to say vexillology for what felt like forever. You know flags? Not anymore because Flag Force 1 exists now, your vexillology degree is worthless. Flags are now Escher-esque tessellating lizards. Flags are now filled with syrup. The Union Jack is now pizza. Collect them all!
episode link (current time) ☞ https://cast.rocks/hosting/2052/feeds/6J5H0.html?ep=977TTEAS-1FKO6R
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Mousetrap 2.0
Jun 19th 2018
Yoooo what’s good fellow Peanutheads smash that like and subscribe – sorry The Redesign is now a Planter’s fancast, we dig deep into the lore for all our fellow Nutbuddies. Incidentally we also build a better mousetrap, a perfect non-lethal fratatouille for brodents, then manage their time with the disembodied head of Will Ferrell and strict operant conditioning.
episode link (current time) ☞ https://cast.rocks/hosting/2052/feeds/6J5H0.html?ep=CG0WD7QJ-OBYY14I
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Measuring Tape 2.0
Jun 4th 2018
Be re-assured when you me-asure with Pleasuredrone, Your Measuring Friend™. If you’re worried (and you should be) that your measuring tape is extremely, limb-threateningly sharp, or that you can’t measure things in astronomical units (you don’t know my life) then, buddy, you’re in the right place. We deeply and conclusively explore the measuring space with stickiness (gross) and marshmallow tires.
episode link (current time) ☞ https://cast.rocks/hosting/2052/feeds/6J5H0.html?ep=AQPE2MHC-LTSM7VI
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Hotel 2.0
May 21st 2018
You’ve heard of Holiday Inn? Well get ready for Holiday OUT with Hotel 2.0 – the vacation that takes you! And immerses you into a possibly inescapable sanity-ruining VR adventure! Find the Dagger of Wonder to instantly defeat pretzel monsters, but remember: if you die in real life, you die in the game. (You won’t actually remember, because we wipe your memories every time.) Also: Eric says ‘food-grade toilet’.
episode link (current time) ☞ https://cast.rocks/hosting/2052/feeds/6J5H0.html?ep=G300O22G-WT57B9
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Chocolate 2.0
May 7th 2018
Do you think you love chocolate? Well, do you, coward? Let me tell you something: you haven’t tried REAL chocolate until you’ve used chocolate-lined gloves to carefully manhandle a virulent 200% dark chocolate bonbon (filled with a delectable alien egg sac of greek salad) into your mouth. Enjoy a mind-crimes blast of flavour weeks from now, or possibly a couple weeks ago. You will have had enjoyed this.
episode link (current time) ☞ https://cast.rocks/hosting/2052/feeds/6J5H0.html?ep=G0DX3QE7-AVE7B9
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Canoe 2.0
Apr 23rd 2018
Can u canoe? U can with Can2! Let me ask you this: do you like pants? Do you like hot wings? Do you like Kenny G and the scent of hot dogs? Then Can2 is for you. We insert you bodily into the majesty of nature whilst maintaining your serenity and non-sun-burnedness via zeppelin.
episode link (current time) ☞ https://cast.rocks/hosting/2052/feeds/6J5H0.html?ep=1TGMKQ9Q-QWZSEMI
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Camera 2.0
Apr 9th 2018
Get into fligital photography with Camera 2.0: check out Dis Posable Can-mera! Look for the mark of authenticity: a cute doggie with a lens assembly for a face! It couldn’t be easier: 1. slap in a canister of Dilm 2. insert your garbage-can sized cardboard and ice lens into a refrigerated golden retriever. Don’t worry about privacy: we’ll launch a rocket that screams like a goat that screams like a man.
episode link (current time) ☞ https://cast.rocks/hosting/2052/feeds/6J5H0.html?ep=2HHLIVGL-TQSQ0K9
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Board Game 2.0
Mar 26th 2018
Take chess, the classic game of strategy. Boring, right? What if we added all the best parts of Go, Monopoly, The Game of Life, Battleship, Golf, Final Fantasy and getting sprayed in the face with a cloud of drugs? Sorry, it sounds awesome, we accidentally made something good instead of jokes. Prepare to lose the game with χess.
episode link (current time) ☞ https://cast.rocks/hosting/2052/feeds/6J5H0.html?ep=BC2Y9SW3-PO2BJ4I
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Swimming Pool 2.0
Mar 15th 2018
We put the ‘win’ in ‘swim’ with P∞l, which is definitely not pronounced “Poo-finity-ell”. Sync your own person-sized swim lane with Watch 2.0 to get tailored fitness recommendations such as: 1. swim in pudding or 2. get electrocuted. Bonus! Probably the only podcast ever to say ‘pee spike mines’ and ‘oeuvre’ in the same sentence.
episode link (current time) ☞ https://cast.rocks/hosting/2052/feeds/6J5H0.html?ep=D5RIU744-QW1M7VI
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Sewing Machine 2.0
Feb 26th 2018
Are you still wearing fast fashion? Prepare your body for instant fashion with Sewing Machine 2.0 – “THE MACHINE”. Strip naked in the street and throw your old garbage clothes (and literal garbage) into the hopper, then step inside the booth. You tender flesh will be almost, but not quite, incinerated to provide the best fitting clothes you’ve ever had welded together around you.
episode link (current time) ☞ https://cast.rocks/hosting/2052/feeds/6J5H0.html?ep=FR88SVW4-AQBYB9
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Sword 2.0
Feb 12th 2018
Tom reveals his deep-seated fears of measuring tapes and fans. But more importantly: we disrupt medieval combat and stab wounds with the S word (Sword 2.0). We invent the retractable blade and somehow avoid the word flaccid. Attach a sword with built-in razzle-dazzle shark to every limb and your head and put this one on your Duel-list, folks.
episode link (current time) ☞ https://cast.rocks/hosting/2052/feeds/6J5H0.html?ep=HBPSQE4A-EG66R
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Dog 2.0
Jan 29th 2018
Man’s best friend is now man’s better friend with Dog 2.0: the K10. How much better you might ask? Does your mainstream Dog 1.0 yell out your appointments in the voice of Scooby Doo or Sir Ian McKellen (CBE)? Does your quotidian dog 1.0 have ad-supported fur with built-in pouches to hold your stuff? I submit it does not.
episode link (current time) ☞ https://cast.rocks/hosting/2052/feeds/6J5H0.html?ep=EDQN93BX-8W7B9
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Money 2.0
Jan 15th 2018
[extremely Daft Punk voice] “Sign it, lick it, shake it” – me? Oh just doing an extremely cool Money 2.0 transaction (transactions cannot exceed $59,049). We’ve made it easier than ever to send money to a friend: just smack your saliva-laden hands together and celebrate your wealth with an unstoppable torrent of baking-soda-volcano froth.
episode link (current time) ☞ https://cast.rocks/hosting/2052/feeds/6J5H0.html?ep=AE75TBQ6-JL9PB9
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Bowling 2.0
Jan 1st 2018
Put on Tubthumpin’ because things are going to get knocked down (and, following that, get up again). Join your fellow roll players in the x-treme and physically taxing game of Bowling 2.0. No more ant-filled finger-holes, just grab your ball by the convenient handle (while activating your walk-out music) and launch it directly through a windmill and/or clown mouth.
episode link (current time) ☞ https://cast.rocks/hosting/2052/feeds/6J5H0.html?ep=KEX2L6J-92JHBBJ4
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Movies 2.0
Dec 18th 2017
We lay down some non-negotiable improvements to Movies 1.0: you are now legally required to say the name of the movie within the movie, all movies start with a rap, all movies contain Thanos’ distinct musk, and everyone’s a spiderman. How will you enjoy this new paradigm? Just lie back and look straight up, enjoying a sip of delicious Movie Juice™. The Threeater: That’s Bridget Jones, Baby!
episode link (current time) ☞ https://cast.rocks/hosting/2052/feeds/6J5H0.html?ep=A93SY2GF-NCDI
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Luggage 2.0
Dec 4th 2017
Fall in love with international jetsetting all over again with the Lugnut™ – the luggage that you ride! The luggage that you ride because it’s an expandable peristaltic ouroboros that hardly ever digests your clothes and toiletries! For longer voyages, simply affix a Poppins-adjacent umbrella-style helicopter blade (available via macrotransaction).
episode link (current time) ☞ https://cast.rocks/hosting/2052/feeds/6J5H0.html?ep=HZ103HPP-VKJ4I
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Rollercoaster 2.0
Nov 20th 2017
What if trains, but scary? Or what if trains, but even MORE scary? We demolish the totally mundane existence of rollercoasters by adding maglev, rockets, venomous serpents, cheese puffs and the unnecessarily violent subversion of your expectations. Rollercoaster 2.0: The most safe rollercoaster™.
episode link (current time) ☞ https://cast.rocks/hosting/2052/feeds/6J5H0.html?ep=35HY8YPV-CF5STT9
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Birds 2.0
Nov 6th 2017
Reach for the sky (in an aspirational way! Not because we’re robbing you). In fact it’s birds that are robbing you. Sorry, we improved them too much and they’re better than us now. But let me pose this question: how many wings is too many wings? The answer: four. And also this question: what if birds had hands and secreted cotton candy and also sang George Michael songs? If you said ‘that rules’ you are correct.
episode link (current time) ☞ https://cast.rocks/hosting/2052/feeds/6J5H0.html?ep=HRNVE18M-AKMX6R
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Bonus: Werewolf 2.0
Oct 30th 2017
Our Hallowe’en episode turned out to be kind of turd – but we’re no ly-can’t-thropes, so we just cut out everything except those good good werewolf jokes. Ask yourself this: would you like a 30-day trial of maybe just eating SOME of a person? Please join our professional pack on Loupdin.
episode link (current time) ☞ https://cast.rocks/hosting/2052/feeds/6J5H0.html?ep=5YQ7LVRX-DFS9K9
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Mail 2.0
Oct 23rd 2017
You must feel like some kind of Neolithic troglodyte, getting your mail in a primitive mailbox and going to the post office to buy so-called stamps. With PostMail™ (“It’s better than mail!”) you could instead be licking a slime-encrusted package and then feeding it to a giant biomechanoid chicken. This episode also features: Eric performing an uncanny airhorn imitation.
episode link (current time) ☞ https://cast.rocks/hosting/2052/feeds/6J5H0.html?ep=CXGOF2O8-P9ICNMI
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Bed 2.0
Oct 9th 2017
Hey, are you a humanoid person who has a biological need for sleep? Cool, nice! Traditionally this happens mostly horizontally, and on a big flat surface, which seems tragically non-optimized. Why sleep on a normal, dumb ol’ mattress when you can sleep inside a body-formed fungus sheath filled with icy cherry slush, with your head enclosed in a DreamCube? Get the best 8 hours of sleep you’ve ever had (in 12 minutes) with REM Brand™.
episode link (current time) ☞ https://cast.rocks/hosting/2052/feeds/6J5H0.html?ep=F3BJLW6A-I0BE29
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Submarine 2.0
Sep 25th 2017
We slip beneath the waves of Poseidon’s moist realm with Submarine 2.0. Eric immediately confuses Roy Scheider and Rob Schneider as we pivot into a Seaquest DSV fan podcast (Darwin rulz ok). We go deep with biomimicry by giving our vessel big ol’ tentacles and a giant beak, nature’s coolest appendage and grossest mouth. Note: you also have to breathe perfluorocarbon the whole time you’re in there, if you’re not okay with that shut up because you’ll be shamed into it with peer-pressure-based marketing.
episode link (current time) ☞ https://cast.rocks/hosting/2052/feeds/6J5H0.html?ep=DEWZUBJD-QN6OGVI
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Grooming 2.0
Sep 11th 2017
Become an IMPOSSIBLY well-coiffured individual and “Do the ‘Do 2” with Grooming 2.0. Obviously only machines could cut your hair to such exacting standards: that’s why your new stylist is a cloud of scissor-wielding microdrones that 3D print non-biological hair-filament onto your head while you’re blasted with ASMR videos. Keep calm and continue to keep calm: you’re getting gr2med.
episode link (current time) ☞ https://cast.rocks/hosting/2052/feeds/6J5H0.html?ep=71IWI1SK-RCC8FR
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Tent 2.0
Aug 29th 2017
Enjoy nature’s wild bounty without the exercise in frustration that is man’s natural enemy, the tent. Instead, try Headspace™ – become the (literal?) corpus callosum of a hydraulically-inflated noggin, carefully built from a 3D scan of your own beautiful human head. Crawl into your own gargantuan mouth for a good night's sleep, then leave your head to decompose in a field.
episode link (current time) ☞ https://cast.rocks/hosting/2052/feeds/6J5H0.html?ep=CRQI4CCQ-7NWMI
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Breakfast 2.0
Aug 14th 2017
Think you know breakfastses? Think again, friend! Using machine intelligence, face recognition, and explosions, the Breakfast Butler™ creates nutritious slurries that you wear on your head and sip on the go. When you’re done, simply smash your breakfast helmet off to signal your satisfaction.
episode link (current time) ☞ https://cast.rocks/hosting/2052/feeds/6J5H0.html?ep=1392D9OY-04XZ85M
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Cutlery 2.0
Jul 31st 2017
Eating food the old-fashioned way is a filthy habit for animals. No longer be subject to gravity's cruel whims and be prepared to return incoming high-fives at any conceivable time with Cutlery 2.0. Normal utensils (and their lamentable progeny, sporks) got nothin’ on chowing down with a head-mounted explosive disposable robot-arm bulb.
episode link (current time) ☞ https://cast.rocks/hosting/2052/feeds/6J5H0.html?ep=7PWEUCZQ-8NTGLDI
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Lawnmower 2.0
Jul 17th 2017
Welcome to Mowtown! If you hate your lawn, trespassers, or ice carving, then Lawnmower 2.0 is for you. Using the futuristic science of 3000 RPM lasers and Google Streetview, we cut literally everything to a uniform height. Don’t worry: it’s totally safe – we leverage jetski and slide-whistle tech to protect your family from laser-adjacent lesions.
episode link (current time) ☞ https://cast.rocks/hosting/2052/feeds/6J5H0.html?ep=5P2N60AC-HUDTE29
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Horse Racing 2.0
Jul 3rd 2017
You thought we changed sports forever with Baseba2? Well guess what – we totally did except for Horse Racing, which is now also CHANGED FOREVER. Tired of the ol’ Nascar oval? Get ready for all-terrain horse-drifting. We bring street racing sensibility to the most noble sport with horse body kits & strapping a goat to each hoof. Finally, we let you, the audience, vote on ad-hoc psychological hazards.
episode link (current time) ☞ https://cast.rocks/hosting/2052/feeds/6J5H0.html?ep=95WCRMX5-LW61OR
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Mouse 2.0
Jun 19th 2017
Employers, looking for a productivity boost? Check out Mouse 2.0, the Deskpet™ – your employees can press a button to receive a Mouse Pellet (but only sometimes, peep that variable reward schedule). Employees, looking for an emotional connection with your work? Your mouse is now a pulsating glove, with tiny legs for haptic feedback and a tiny tongue for kisses. You’re welcome.
episode link (current time) ☞ https://cast.rocks/hosting/2052/feeds/6J5H0.html?ep=AI5I2T9A-SURF6R
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Drill 2.0
Jun 5th 2017
Become a master of home improvement, coffee grinding, and self-surgery with Drill 2.0. We consider how to account for safety (because nobody should just drill william-nilliam) by making Drill 2.0 extremely hot, slimy, and/or spiky. Become an instant expert with a [spooky voice] MAGNETIC keyless charles, and document it all with a Drillfie™.
episode link (current time) ☞ https://cast.rocks/hosting/2052/feeds/6J5H0.html?ep=878LD78H-MSA714I
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Rollerblades 2.0
May 22nd 2017
Obviously we’ve improved motorized transportation forever, but what about human-powered transportation? We also improved that forever by replacing your everyday, garbage-dump “wheels” with a throwback to the OG way to blade: legs. Safety? You bet! Let everybody know you’re 2.0 leggin’ it with constant Doppler-compensated screaming.
episode link (current time) ☞ https://cast.rocks/hosting/2052/feeds/6J5H0.html?ep=8N8H2V9H-8GP66R
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Watch 2.0
May 8th 2017
It’s peace in our timepiece with Watch 2.0. Ever thought about how your current smartwatch measures steps but doesn’t measure your remaining lifespan or how much crime and fire is around you? Smoke this in your mind-pipe also: what if your watch contained a tiny homunculus that told you what to do? What if the homunculus itself wore a watch? What if the watchband was a watch-SUIT? What if the watch-suit drank your blood? WHAT IF!?!?
episode link (current time) ☞ https://cast.rocks/hosting/2052/feeds/6J5H0.html?ep=B6G02AVY-H9KVS4I
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Hamburger 2.0
Apr 25th 2017
Taking a a big ol’ bite of design with Hamburger 2.0 (aka the OMNIBURGER, prepare your body). Don’t you hate it when your hamburger is cold, soggy, or not blasted with flavour? Yeah, us too. That’s why we leveraged onigiri packaging and ripcord-driven chemical heating to bring you an AR ordering experience at your local burgatorium. BURG IT!™ #burgerfails
episode link (current time) ☞ https://cast.rocks/hosting/2052/feeds/6J5H0.html?ep=GBFRPGQ4-W3766R
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Baseball 2.0
Apr 10th 2017
You may have heard of baseball, but you’ve never heard of Baseba2 – yet. Why can’t we make baseball a year-round sport? The answer is: we can, using Basebulb™. This might be against the rules but we threw out the rulebook, baby. We also bring map-packs, sound-packs and status afflictions to boring ol’ baseba1, all available through Basebucks™ microtransactions.
episode link (current time) ☞ https://cast.rocks/hosting/2052/feeds/6J5H0.html?ep=2BP8EBL1-OSNSTT9
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Oven 2.0
Mar 28th 2017
Have you ever cooked a food? This episode is for you. We rethink the technology of the everyday paternoster, and its less evolved form, the conveyor belt, to change your kitchen forever. The classic conundrum: stakeholders or steak holders? Some brandstorming results in our value prop: The Lazy-Bake Oven. We ride that IoT train by pairing your phone with your oven. More like Chef + Chef Music Factory, amirite? We monetize the heck out of this thing with oven ringtones and celebrity saliva, and then Eric comes up with the best name ever.
episode link (current time) ☞ https://cast.rocks/hosting/2052/feeds/6J5H0.html?ep=INLOEX3-OCZLX47V
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Motorcycle 2.0
Mar 13th 2017
We have extremely relevant ridership experience! Bicycles are basically motorcycles without motors, after all. The problem: motorcycles are great on land, but not so hot on water – so let’s make them just like a Delorean: going-sideways pontoon-style wheels. We investigate Will Smith’s “I, Robot” as design inspiration, and dig on that self-driving tip – it’s safe because we’re faxing dogs directions to Subway. Finally, Eric reinvents a scene from “The Avengers” (the UK one).
episode link (current time) ☞ https://cast.rocks/hosting/2052/feeds/6J5H0.html?ep=91XFK5LR-40R7LDI
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